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The year that was 2015

Days from now, 2015 will be ending and the bright new year will be upon us. A day after that, I will be celebrating my 28th birthday.

2015 is probably the most challenging, most demanding year of my life. I just want it to be over.

In a span of months, I grew. I grew old. I grew tired. I matured. I became an adult. I’ve experienced the most stressful moment of my life.

In 2015 I learned:

  • To live at the moment. I don’t plan for the future that much anymore, because no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, nothing is every going to go according to plan. My life’s plan is until May 2016 only. Nothing else beyond that. Except a trip in August, which is the exception to my new rule.
  • To appreciate what I have.
  • To save for the rainy days. I’m into investments now. I just earned 10 pesos in my investment yey!
  • That my life is pretty much going to screw up in the future anyway so might as well face it head on.
  • To accept. That nothing is ever going to happen. I am the kind of person who says what I feel, but this is different. I am not going to make the first move because I know how he feels about me. I can read him pretty well. I am done making excuses for him. It’s time I let go and move on. Move on from practically nothing. I’m done wasting my time.
  • It’s ok to cry. I cry about everything now. Small viral stories of victories. Dead dogs. Cheesy movies. I am done repressing my emotions.
  • That I might be depressed. I google the symptoms, though, and they say I’m not. I’m just constantly sad all the time. But I am not suicidal, so calm yourselves people.
  • Anyone needs someone to talk to. I am not a talker, I am a listener. So apparently, everyone I know are talkers. It pains me that I cant tell people how I feel and what I think. I thought I don’t need that, that I can very well manage. But at the end of the day I always wish for someone to ask me how my day was or what’s bothering me, or why am I so sad. Even if the answer’s always “I don’t know” (I genuinly dont know), it’s still nice to be asked.

In 2015, i am thankful for

  • People who love me
  • People who believe in me
  • People who did not abandon me.

I will forever love you until my very death.

In 2015, there are tons of big challenges in my life, and very few, small vistories. I wish 2016 will be better. Anything is practically better. I wish my 28th year (or 29th?) on earth will be among the best. I need that right now. Because I am super duper close to the edge.

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December 24, 2015